He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
