I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
