My room smells like vodka and shame
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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