Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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