its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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