Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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