Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize