Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
where am i from again
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize