No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
