the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
