I smell stomach acid.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
