why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
