i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
