I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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