Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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