So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
