Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
