Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
