so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
