please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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