Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
