Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
