and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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