You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize