Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
