I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
