i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
