Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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