Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
