Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
