I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
