Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
