Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
