I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
