I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
