Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
