Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
