I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
