Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
