I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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