I need to stop coming to work sober
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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