I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
