I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
