my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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