Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
