first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You work out of a Hotel?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
