We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
