I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
