A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Damn victory sex feels great
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