New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
