Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize