Pappa wants mamma naked
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
