i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
