its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
