Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
