I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
