Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
