I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
