Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
