Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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