im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
