I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
