what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
