bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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