I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i now understand why vodka
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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