I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
