I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize