i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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