You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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