at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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