i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
