This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
