Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This girl is more easily done than said...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
