i don't like sucking hair
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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