I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
