He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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