Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize