oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
