I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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