why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it was like eating out sand paper
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
