she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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