this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
