blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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