Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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