My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize